Today I "booked in" which I mean I went and sat through a load of pregnancy advice (including a frankly rather overdone lecture on not eating shark.. as if) had SEVEN blood samples taken and had to pee in a wee tiny tube.
I also had to be (dun dun duuuuun) weighed. It wasn't good. In fact it was vay vay bad. It was about as bad as it could be.
Because late last year I lost just over 2 stone. I was delirious with happiness. Today, according to McMidwife I've put most of it back on. Now I knew I had put on about 10lbs before I got pregnant - but now they are trying to make me believe I've put on almost a stone in the last 12 weeks??? When I can't actually eat anything??? Are you fecking kidding me?
I feel gutted. (And gutty). I wandered out feeling like an utter blimp - an utter useless fat creature of unattractive fatliness. And I'm scared - really scared about where I might end up when this is all done. I can't face being bigger than this after I have the baby. I can't face having so much weight to lose. I just want to cry. (Hormones, anyone?)
Thing is, I can't not eat because then I puke. And I can't eat healthy because it makes me want to puke. But then unhealthy food makes me want to puke too - so it's just one big pukefest.
I don't know what to do. To be honest, I just don't know.
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2 comments:
I really feel for you, the media pressure for womanly 'perfection' is felt so much more during pregnancy.
I know it's not much consollation, but remember the baby is growing and the weight gain is more than likely the baby, especially if you're not able to eat much.
Don't stress, enjoy the fact that during these fleeting months it's actually okay for you to gain weight ... and take advantage of it!
Re-read that Ulrika article. I really feel for you because I've found it much harder this time around, weight-wise. I'm constantly worrying (not helped by the fact that I am MASSIVE and everyone laughs when I say I'm only five months), but there's nothing to be done so you just need to accept it.
Would you rather be Ashlee Simpson who, I read, was told she was gaining weight too fast and so bought some Size 0 jeans as weightloss inspiration... for during her pregnancy. Gah.
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