Brave bump picture...

At 19+1 weeks..

Things not to say to a pregnant woman...

Me - after a day of extreme nausea feeling like I might actually just take myself down to the beach and keep walking into the sea -
"God, I'm fed up of feeling like this. I feel awful."

Husband: "I know how you feel."

What? You KNOW how I FEEL? NO, you DON'T. You never will. You might possibly have a flavour of it because I've been a cow bag from hell this past while but you do NOT KNOW HOW I FEEL!!!

And breathe.

Can I kick it?

Okay, I've known Bam Bam is wriggler for a while and I've been able to feel movement since about 12 weeks.
But as for kicks? Nada! By this stage Bam Bam's big brother was kicking seven shades of you know what out of me - but not so this little one.
Yesterday I managed to get myself wound up about it (not that I find it difficult to get wound up these days) and after realising I hadn't even felt a wriggle in about 48 hours texted my mammy for advice (as every decent Derry girl does).
I thought it might be worth going to the hospital for some reassurance and sat down to wait for mum's reply - and there it was a pop - definitely a kick - for the first time, and a big old wriggle, and a few more pops/ kicks and it felt lovely.

Dear Bam Bam - four months down, five to go

And yet once again I'm not sure who fecked up the maths. I'm 18 weeks and three days pregnant and yet only four months... this time five months with God's grace (and if you are not late) I'll be holding you in my arms.
Oh my sweet baby, I can't wait to hold you and to get to know you. I can't wait to breathe you in, to smell your baby smells (the nice ones, obviously), to feel your soft skin against mine, to watch your face form 101 different expressions and to listen to all those delicious new baby noises.
I can't wait to introduce to your rocking big brother and have my two babies together with me, in my arms. I can't wait to have your daddy smile and look proud to get to know you. And boy oh boy, I can't wait til you meet your granny and grandad and, your godparents and guideparents. You are one lucky bambino.
It's hard for me now, even when I feel you wriggle (Joseph kicked at this stage, for the record... you are much more placid already), to imagine you actually in our lives - so I long for the days when you are a tangible entity.
For what it's worth, now I can no longer lie on my stomach. I struggle to bend down to reach my feet and I feel like a weeble although I've not put on any weight in 7 weeks. (You make me sick, you rascal).
My hair is growing at the speed of light, my face is pizza'ed and yet this week several people have said I'm glowing. I think it's in a radioactive way.
I still feel ill, my heartburn is chronic but I know - just know - that you are worth it.
I love you baby Bam Bam.
Mummy
xxx

Hyperemesis... and other joys...

So anyway, it's what I've got.

Sort of.


Here's the definition unrelenting, excessive pregnancy-related nausea and/or vomiting that prevents adequate intake of food and fluids.

Now I have the nausea bit and the preventing of adequate anything. Recently even water has made me ill. Mostluy though I'm not throwing up - although throwing up a lot more than I did with Joseph (I threw up once with him. I'm throwing up at least once a week with this wee blighter) but God the sickness, morning, noon and night. The fear that I could throw up at any time (and have, in public, the shame).
It is, in fairness only my fear of puking which has led me not to be sick more as I'll hold it all in as much as possible.

So now, at 17 weeks and some, the doctor has given me metoclopromide (or something ) which I've now been taking for two days. Now I still threw up this morning, but after taking the tablet my stomach settled again. I feel better -ish. Please God may I continue to feel better, as soon as possible.

I'm hope this baby knows...

How much I love him/ her.
Because there is no one else on this planet (except for his/her big brother) who I would endure such sustained sickness.
I know, technically, I have no choice in the matter but it is really, heart honestly, getting me down beyond words.
I want to bloom. I want to feel and be positive, instead of spending my days being told I look "awful" and have people make sympathetic faces in my direction.
I've found I HAVE to go to bed no later than 9.30 - whether I want to or not - or else I'll be puking my anatomy the next day (and that night). Evenings are the worst. Absolute worst.

I may have to go now and hold my little nephew and remind myself why I'm doing this.

And by the way...

How on earth did I get to 16 weeks?
I'm proper pregnant looking now. Still sick, which is now in the realm of "beyond a joke" and feeling the starts of SPD. (Note to self, try and get out of a car with a little deportment and not leap out and therefore strain all pelvic muscles - apart from, ya know, the pelvic muscles I'd really like to work properly about now.)
The wriggles haven't progessed to kicks yet. That worries me a little, but I'm sure it's just a matter of time.
Now if the next 16 weeks can go as fast - but with less sickness - that would be good.